This is a truth in my life that is larger than life itself..........you see, I am Mama not only for my two children but I have an extended family of bacchas where I teach and where I work and where I worked and bacchas who have worked with me. Amazing na, but I cannot put a number to it. but one thing is sure, i have learnt so much and am an absolute believer in past life and Karma more so than before.
Let me explain - It is often said that what you do in this birth shall be returned to you in this birth itself, Do good and you are bound to find that coming back to you in this life many times over and vice versa. I was a half believer and behaved as I wanted with my mother, poor thing she was always at the recieving end of my tantrums and ways. My answer to her simple and well meaning questions would be vague answers that left her exasperated...If she asked What time I would be back from wherever I was going, i would always answer well I will be back home only mama and where else would i go? I now know what she felt as my son is a natural at this...I hate it when my kids fuss over food, not listen to me and take me for granted. Didn't I do that to Mum when I was younger?
What got me thinking about this was the phone call from mamaji when my son was born - 'Now you know what pains your mum took to get you into the world'? Well even though that was 16 years ago, I think about it a lot. I also love my mother more now as I undrestand her better and why she was as she was.....well she hasn't changed ( I still get scolded for coming late or not keeping in touch, or not being organised) but i do not react as i would have many years ago. I understand completely where she is coming from. I often see her smile when I am trying to conclude an argument with the children on some issue and I feel that she knows exactly how i am feeling...................
It is really a wonderful feeling being a mother end of the day, I have also learnt that there is no perfect solution and no set way when dealing with children and the only thing that helps is patience.........(I keep praying for it and god is generous) though sometimes I don't seem to find where it is.
God must have given me the extended family to spread this message of love and adopt and be adopted by the many souls. My extended family too leans on my broad shoulders and expects the ocassional hugs and awaits some whipping too......but what keeps me going is the love that is showered on me by one and all. Here's wishing a god bless to all of us and may we be together for many years to come.
2 comments:
Reading about how you feel about life is like getting the feeling that someone is echoing my thoughts. I am not surprised. Are you? I am sure you are not. After all we are the behne who got juda in the kumbh mela long long time ago. But as all movies we too have a happy ending. Ending???? Well we found each other did we not?
I know exactly what you mean when you describe your tantrums you threw when your mom asked you anything. Well you atleast can make up. I can't. I die a thousand deaths when I think of all the harsh words spoken without meaning to when my mom asked me all such questions. When she wanted me to share what my day was like and I would give her a vague answer. Always wrapped in my own thoughts and issues. I am however, trying to make it up to my dad. I can only try.
I can also tell you one thing, your family extended as well as adores you. Your two wonderful kids are the most well brought up kids, level headed and mature. All credit to your mom, hubby and of course yourself.
Yes behna, Am happy for the happy endings
As regards the tantrums believe me the toughest part is the realisation and the guilt weighs you down. And if post that we try to change, It is a great thing as I have come across people who do nothing about it even then..... That's what makes you special. Love
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